Endings and New Beginnings

"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You'll have your heart broken and you'll break others' hearts. You'll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you'll cry because time is flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you've never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. you just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone's hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts. Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back."

-unknown

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

Every ending is a new beginning. The good times were good while it lasted, and the bad... we dont have to deal with anymore. Thank you for making it sure for me, I wont hold back no more.

Hello world, I'm ready.

And you, I'm ready to take on the world with you.

Last Kiss

I still remember the look on your face
Lit through the darkness at 1:58
The words that you whispered
For just us to know
Told me you loved me
So why did you go away?
Away?

I do recall now the smell of the rain
Fresh on the pavement
I ran off the plane
That July 9th
The beat of your heart
The jumps through your shirt
I can still feel your arms

But now I'll go sit on the floor
Wearing your clothes
All that I know is that
I don't know how to be something you miss
Never thought we'd have a last kiss
Never imagined we'd end like this
Your name, forever the name on my lips

I do remember
The swing of your step
The life of the party, you're showing off again
And I roll my eyes and then
You pull me in
I'm not much for dancing
But for you I did

Because I love your handshake
Me and my father
I love how you walk with your hands in your pockets
How you kissed me when I was in the middle of saying something
There's not a day when I don't miss those rude interruptions

But now I'll go sit on the floor
Wearing your clothes
All that I know is that
I don't know how to be something you miss
Never thought we'd have a last kiss
Never imagined we'd end like this

Your name, forever the name on my lips

So I'll watch you live in pictures like I used to watch you sleep
And I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe
And I keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are
Hope it's nice where you are
And I hope the sun shines
And it's a beautiful day
And something reminds you
You wish you had stayed
You can plan for a change in weather and town
But I never planned on you changing your mind

So I'll go sit on the floor
Wearing your clothes
All that I know is that
I don't know how to be something you miss
Never thought we'd have a last kiss
Never imagined we'd end like this

Your name, forever the name on my lips
Just like our last kiss
Forever the name on my lips
Forever the name on my lips

Just like our last

24th July 2011

Making Mountains Out of Molehills

Why are some people so sensitive? Why do they get so worked up, upset or cry so easily? Something so trivial, so small can generate such a fuss for people. Why can't everyone think for others instead of always believing that they are not benefiting in any situation they are in?

There are little things that is done for you that can't be seen directly. Why get affected over one thing that doesn't even happen frequently at all? Not everything can include you, not everything has to be your business, not everything can be reported to all the time. If there is time, it is fine to do things like that, but when it gets busy, it takes too much time to keep you happy all the time. Early in the mornings, noon, evenings, and now everything in between as well?! There are procedures to follow, but not everything can go according to the book. It also depends on situations, the people around you, and how things are at the time.

Sometimes it is okay, you know. Nothing is really that complicated as it seems. I think it is about time to let your hair down. You can't ask for respect, you have to earn it naturally.

When You're Gone

I've been on a hiatus, as my family came to visit for the past few weeks.
My dearest mommy and sister just left last night to head back to malaysia...
leaving me with a broken heart to nurse, and an empty space to fill.

CRY CRY CRY.

I'm back at work as usual, this time with a pair of puffy eyes and an empty soul.
Oh don't you hate it when your near and dear ones come to visit?
Because you know they have to leave you in the end.

I miss you guys so damn much already,
can't wait to see you again.

*empty* T_T

A Part of Me has Gone

Last night after dinner, bigbadwolf was acting quite abnormal as I was packing our lunch for work the next day. I asked him what was up and he told me he forgot to tell me something. After a while, he finally broke the news and told me that my external hard drive was officially dead.

I looked at him for a long time, tears inevitably streaming down my cheeks in two fat puddles. Two fucking whole years' worth of memories, two whole years' worth of photos, journal, design, collection, music, documents all gone down the drain just like that. Just like that.

You would think that I'd just stop there since there wasn't really any point crying over spilt milk. Well I chucked the biggest shit ever, accusing him of not reminding me to back up my hard drive, that he was at fault because he was always reluctant to let me back up my files in his computer because my hugeass files of photos were slowing down his computer when he was doing work.

Well I cried myself to sleep and then woke up the next morning a new woman. I was over it. I came back home from work today and hopped onto bigbadwolf's computer. I logged on and went through all the photos, nostalgia taking over me again. Without a sound, bigbadwolf took out my laptop and backed up all my stuff into his computer. I tried to ignore the big gap of nothingness in between 2005 and 2007 as I browsed through. Oh god, my heart is breaking.

xx

/edited

Guess what I found while browsing through the photos in bigbadwolf's computer?



This was taken on Christmas 2005 in Taiwan. That's me being a drunken idiot after the christmas party, showing my love for KFC. I am really, such an idiot.

T_T

Two years...

It's been two years since you last left us, how we miss you so. Last weekend when I saw you, you asked me why I've been so long. I could only see half of your face, and you looked so sad and so pale. I squeezed your hand tightly and then you disappeared. I woke up startled with tears in my eyes, my heart pumping twice as hard. It may just be that I have been thinking about you, and that twenty third of august was just around the corner. Maybe it was all in my mind, and that I pictured it all in my head. Either way we all miss you, I hope you're doing well. I love you, always. xoxo

/edited

Hope you liked the malaikou and chrysenthemum tea this morning, sorry we couldn't stay long..

Losing It

No matter what you do, who you're with or what situation you're in, it is so easy to lose yourself at times in life. This can happen even when you're doing good things like making room for improvement, doing what's best for yourself, what's best for those you love and those who love you, the crowd you're in, what you are or what you have to be at work, the materialistic world surrounding us that feeds our physical being, or even just simply being nice.

I feel that most of the time under alot of circumstances, it is because we do not have a choice and have to oblige to losing ourselves in order to attain what's important or best for everyone. We may adhere or be accustomed to the differences in our behaviour, attitude or change in our mindset, and accept that who we are or what we're doing is still very real and true to ourselves, but really, are we?

Or are we really all just losing ourselves due to the downfall imparted by all the burdens and responsibilities we have in life as we grow older? Maybe, just maybe, we're not sacrificing to build a better world for our benefit, but rather, losing ourselves for the benefit of the world.

Some day...

it won't be wishful thinking, it will come true.
i have faith, I will be strong.

Dear Bigbadwolf,

Happy Birthday babe!

It's your big day and the time when all the power lies in your hands... to boss me around and I can't say no! Just 'cus it's your special day. >(

Thank you for having such high endurance, for being there, for all the lunchboxes you've never failed to make every week day, for being so understanding, and for always not giving up when the going gets tough.

I know I am sometimes hard to handle, but you know I really cherish every bit of effort you've put in to compromise and deal with me. Whaddaya know, we aren't so bad after all. :)

I hope you had a great birthday even though it wasn't the best. You're currently enjoying your present I bought you as I type this out. Not a very smart idea since it takes away alot of the free time I could've actually spent with you. -_-" I mean time you can spend with me, haha.

regrets regrets regrets.

But nothing beats the grin on your face as you're playing with all those silly games. I heart you. For real. :)

YShaz

Wrote this on the twenty-seventh of may, babe's birthday.

To My Dearest Mummy,

Happy Mother's Day

...to the most beautiful, selfless woman in the world.

You taught me to be patient, to love, and to give.

Thank you for being my friend, my teacher, my girlfriend, my counsellor, my walking cookbook, my bitching buddy, a great listener and for always being there for me even though we are so far apart. I don't know how, but you still manage to do all that.

I love you supermom, I can't wait to see you soon in october. I hope you have a great one today. :)



Love always,

your awesome daughter ;P

Helpless

When you left to go on your journey to the other side of the world, your purpose was to find your happiness and to fulfill and satisfy that emptiness inside you. You wanted to improve the way you were, you wanted to become a better person. But really, I think otherwise now. You are so selfish that all you can think about is yourself. It doesn’t worry you that the people around you care for you and miss you.

When they talk to you, they want to find out how you’re doing and if you’re happy and living well. Whereas for you, you’re just happy to talk about yourself every single damn minute and not even have the decency to ask about them till the conversation ends. I find it hard to respect you when you can’t even respect them. Honestly, you don’t even give a damn. You’re insensitive to their feelings and you don’t even give a flying fuck whether they get hurt in the process. All you care about is attaining your happiness, period. You don’t honour them, and you disregard what I try to tell you. Instead, you shoot me straight in the head before you even fucking think of why I’d say such a thing to you. Do I even benefit from what I said to you in our conversation? Do I not get hurt talking to you that way? How can you assume that I’m merely angry just because things weren’t going my way, and if it was, then I’d be full of praise for you.

You know what? You’re not only selfish, but you’re extremely arrogant. You can preach all you want, you can do whatever shit you’re doing, but I’m telling you, you’re still that fucking same selfish and stubborn bastard. What do you mean when you said you offered to let them visit you and it’s their problem if they can’t get there? You act as if we should just bow down to you like you were one of the gods. Look just how pompous you are from the way you talk. You assume we’re trying to make it harder for you when you don’t even know how hard it is for us. We try to understand you, we give in to every changes and decisions you make, we explain when people misinterpret what you do, we answer to continuous questions, yet you’re still over there, still so full of yourself, and making stupid assumptions about us.

You can try to save the world, but you can’t even fucking help yourself. Life is all about multitasking. You try to earn a living to live, you try to achieve happiness to have fulfillment, you try to love and respect those that love you and brought you up, and you try to live life to the fullest so that you can turn back without any regrets. That’s life. For you, when you try to achieve happiness, you forget about the others just because it’s more conducive for you. I hope you wake up one day and find it in yourself to make it up to those that you owe it to. I know life isn’t about satisfying the needs of others, but they aren’t even asking much from you.

It is only natural that they look forward to seeing you with open arms. And what are you doing? You’re standing afar pointing fingers, breaking their hearts inadvertently as you walk away from them.

Hellboy

Just heard the bad news today, Hellboy passed away two days ago. It's been more than two years, and he has been sick for quite some time. Maybe it is for the better, at least he isn't suffering now. Thanks to the coussies at cromwell for mummying him ever since I left brisbane.

He was there for me while I went through LDR madness for one year plus. He was there for me throughout my sleepless nights. He was there for me when I was bored and all alone. Most of you probably think that fishies don't make much of a pet just because you can't carry them, touch them or play with them. Well you're wrong.

All those times I spent lying in bed watching him swim around for hours, him waking me up in the middle of the night smashing into his own reflection, him swimming up to my two fingers as I hold onto his food pellets, oh boy. I'll make sure I never have pets again unless I know I'm settling permanently in a country. I wasn't there for you, I feel so sorry hellboy. :'(

Rest in peace hellboy, I'm missing you.

Our happy memories - The first pic is of hellboy in the bag as I proudly brought him home with me for the first time after leaving petcity. The second pic is what I see on my bedside table looking at me enthusiastically every time I went to bed.

Hellboy and his imaginary friend, his reflection. That was when he was still so healthy and very ferocious.
Love always, Hellboy.Y

Don't go too far

You're pushing my limits,
don't push me too far.
You're testing my patience,
I'm reaching the edge.
You're asking for it,
so don't act all surprised.
There's no turning back,
once you've gone too far.
'Cause that would be why,
the story ends.

Guys can skip this post.

Oh man. This is the worst day of my life. I've curled up in bed for like... almost forever. I've probably only tried to get up for some medications and the occasional nature call. Yeah you got that right, it's the time of the month again.

Now wipe that eck! off your face guys (for those who insisted on reading heh), you don't know what females have to go through over here. I feel alot better now although it's wayyy past midnight haha, er... practically the next day? :p I made bigbadwolf drive out to get me my sweeties. He decided that he should just go out and get 'em to avoid stepping on my tail. Yes, It can get nasty over here sometimes. I kinda cleared out all the sugar treats I can find at home already.

The bonus? It's okay for me not to be responsible today without having to feel guilty. But boi, I'd rather tend to a million chores than deal with the excruciating pain for now. I get really bad cramps.

Okay, chocies have arrived. Time to crunch and watch some comedies before I retire to bed again. Let's hope this period (hah!) will pass by real quickly.



Oh freak!

I just realised I'm gonna be leaving on Sunday to Queenstown for a week. And it's Saturday today. Oh man I should start packing.

Ah what the heck.. I'll worry about that later. Toodles.

Her.

It sure is eating into her.
How long more does it have to be like this?
Someone should tell her to quit relying only on one source and go out and look for more.
Or maybe they should tell her that she shouldn't aim and have such high expectations.

What was she expecting?

Thing is, she doesn’t even know where to go.
With the unfamiliar surroundings and not having any sense of direction,
she’s practically helpless.

Maybe she should just give up looking for what she wants and settle for less.
But like they say, the moment you settle for less, you get even lesser than you settled for.
What if she did tuck in to less, and more comes along?
What if nothing comes up, and she’s hanging there fruitlessly waiting for nothing?

At the end of the day...

she’d just wind up not getting any more or any less altogether.

My Unforgettable Days in Brisbane with my Babes and Bois! Part II

Here's a continuation to my last post. I realised I didn't take a photo with Celine so kinda snuck an old photo in from three years ago? hehehe whoopsie daisies! It's kinda heart wrenching to hear what's been going on over there, I can only hope that things get better for you. :) Within the group, I've got about five gurlfriends whom have become mrs-es, and two that's expecting. Phew, what else is coming huh? Lotsa babies' cheeks for me to squeeze I guess! Hahaha.

Ooh, before the piccies, thanks fi! I just received your xmas mail! My favourite RMK make up and RMK's fruit barrier cream moisturizerY You're my life saviour, mwah!!! :p They're unavailable in Aussie and NZ damnit. -_-" I miss partying and hanging with you too cous, I'll probably visit you if I'm free, or you can come here and visit me! We should all go to nz and visit shazzie! wahaha ;D

Here are the rest of the photos, imprinted in my heart.

That sums up my last three weeks in brissie. Now it's time to move on, lets hope my next chapter in life would be just as interesting and fruitful! And yes, all of you are still included in my new chappy, whether you like it or not, so keep in contact aight hehehe, lotsa love.

xoxox

My Unforgettable Days in Brisbane with my Babes and Bois!

After touching down in Brisbane, everything went fast forward, then stopped for abit whenever we rested at home, and then blurry during drunken nights out, and fast forwarded again while we shopped till we dropped. It was days filled with taking jac aka tourist out and catching up with all my babes and bros before I left. It was pretty hard balancing out both jobs, hopefully she had fun! We spent money like water man, time to start working hard now eh hehehe.

The night we got back to bris, it was klub kandy night with the girls. Then we had tonnes of karaoke sessions, lotsa eating out, cooking at home to save up for drinking, touristy visits to dreamworld, palazzo versace, and surfers paradise. Then we went for some luxury food at breakfast creek hotel, ice creams at emporium, lotsa korean bbq, easing my cravings for taiwanese hotpot, and having french food with tony.

I also attended Sally babes and her teddy bear's wedding, finally met up with my high school friends, and dinner with my babelicious pregnant hot hot hoochie mama, nuy! Too bad I didn't get to take a photo with her! I also heard some exciting news from sally, congrats to you too woman! Hehehe! Woo.. everyone's growing up so fast, gets kinda scary sometimes when you think about it. I also met up with Joyce we came back to visit from Taiwan, mrs tai tai life she leads. aw man biatch! :p

We went sunnybank plaza's pet shop to look at cute puppies and petcity, boi they got heapsa pets there! All of us kept making each other buy a pup hahaha. Checked out the fighting fishies there, not as pretty this time. Thanks to Janet and Rubbz for driving us everywhere when I didn't know the directions! We also went to southbank and the market to bring jac around. That's about it for brissie eh. Our last stop was the bedroom club and my favourite thai food shop called The King and I, loving it!

I'm gonna separate this into two posts because one post is too much to handle for so many pictures! I wanted to include so much more here, all my bittersweet memories... but sorry that'll be too much! grins.

I love you babes! I'm missing every single one of you right now as I edited and posted these photos. :( Hope I get to make a trip back to brissie sometime next year. Doubt it would be during the earlier months though, sigh. All the best to all of you, may every single day of this new year always be filled with joy and laughters. :) *mwah* *slurps* hehehe. Oh gross sharon stop it. :p Okay okay, piccies time!

More to come on the next post. (: Reminiscing... sigh.