The five minutes management course

Lesson 1
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'

'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.

'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'

Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'

'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.' Puff! She's gone.

'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.' Puff! He's gone.

'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'

Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?' The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. 'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'

'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough str ength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..

Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.

The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!


THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTES MANAGEMENT COURSE
Pass this on to bright people who have enough sense of humour to take it. :)

Effing Flies

So I was in the office room in my usual position facing the blinds while using my laptop when some fishy business caught my attention. I looked up to see myself facing two flies mounted on top of each other... copulating!

0_0

I tried not to let it get to me by diverting my attention to surfing. After awhile, I still couldn't help but look up to stare. Boy were they at the same position and not moving for quite long! That's it, my hands automatically reached out for my camera and there I was with my camera right infront of the couple flashing nonstop hahaha. They didn't even budge, still in the very same position as it was few minutes ago. I do realise I was pretty rude barging in like that, intruder alert!:p



Bigbadwolf got a big distracted with my inquisitiveness, and decided to shoo them away. Funny thing was they were still joined together in the same position while flying around in the office. They settled again on our office table, this time on top of the telephone. Alas...

Splat!!!

Bigbadwolf decided he had enough and swatted the flies with a rolled up newspaper. Poor guys, all squished and splattered on top of each other. At least they died happy I guess? :p

Of Penguins And Crazy Beans.

It has been raining cats and dogs continuously the whole day, just when we decided to go out today, boohoo. No more japanese food for today. It dropped down to five degrees and I've conveniently caught the flu, sneezing like a mad woman. Funny how when I start to sneeze, I'd do so three or four times consecutively before I can stop. Then after abit, I'll start sneezing the same way again and again, sniffles.

I cleared out the tissue supply at home and we were low on dishwashing liquid, so we had to brave the storm to get some, stocking up on what was needed at home along the way. To prevent myself from getting any worse, I wrapped myself up in five pieces of clothings - one top, one long sleeve, one thin jacket, a vest over it, and then my thickest jacket to keep it all closed up, nice and warm. Of course with jeans and boots too la haha. Bigbadwolf was all covered up as well.

When we got to the supermarket, most of the girls were in their tiny fitted jackets while the guys wore only long sleeves or some in their light jackets. What the hell, we wore both bundled up in our big penguin suits shivering from the strong winds and the rain, doesn't anyone else get cold around here? I guess we looked like we were heading to Mount Hutt for some skiing instead bwahaha. Oh well, whatever it takes to keep us from the cold, so stop mocking us, I know you were! :P We ended up going offbudget as usual, buying up to two hundred dollars worth of groceries when we only did so just a few days ago.

Some things never change huh? -_-"


xx

I've finally blue-toothed all the photos from my mobile phone. Guess what I found? Alice, alice, alice. :P This is outside the cinema in Sunnybank Plaza after our meal in Mi Fan with Janet, Kanny and Francis.

Say hello to Mr and Mrs Bean!

We are the Walking Talking Lie Detector

Boys, never ever try to lie to us girls even for the slightest things because some way, some how, we'll always manage to find out the truth. And no sweat buddy, we'll definitely bring it up and hit you back right in the face about it. :p

Visual Challenge Gone Wrong

Can you find nine people in this picture?

I think I've found them but I'm not quite sure how accurate my answers are! My friend Momo sent it to me because he wanted to challenge my IQ and I ended up finding some that he didn't know haha, take that biatch! Thing is bigbadwolf thinks that we shouldn't need to look so closely at the picture to find the blurry ones, but my friend and I are not quite sure. :p

Anyhoo, he has no answers to these so tell me what you peeps find so that we can compare and contrast yeah? ;D

xxxx

/edited

Ready or not, here are my answers! Were they the same as yours? I think I stared at it for too long, I became delusional and started carving images in my head of people on the wall too, did you? grins. I might be wrong, you tell me. :)



Now here is my whacky delusional imagination literally carved on the walls hahahaha! I'm serious, look at the picture above and then look at mine again! So that makes me trippy a genius since I created two more out, which makes eleven. No wonder they say geniuses were abit whacked up in the head huh.

The left one is a naked female with a bob and her legs crossed, while the one on the right wall is a woman dressed up in a thai costume like those on the ads that go, 'sawatikap, welcome to thailand!' with the sharp fancy head thingamajig. Mind my drawings, it's freehand, created using a psycho-free-spirited-mouse with MS paint in less than 30 seconds. This allows me to be soooo excused. ;D

Mad shit!

Remember the famous cartoon boy from Mad Magazine?
Guess who he has grown to become?




Oh our great one, who would've known...
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georgieporgie pudding pie!

Lol, isn't that neat? Whoever did this sure was the pro man. Respect yo hahaha!

She's (Eye)baggin' it all

Wahahahahahha this is totally hilarious I'm gonna blog about it. I was conversing with my newbie housemate Janet just before and I was giving her shit like we all normally do about her eyebags. All of us used to go...

Cathy: Woman you need to go do some mask, go decrease those eyebags!
Kanny: You should put teabags on 'em!
Fiona: Aiyoo.. your eyebags are too huge for your age!
Anon: They're bigger than my mom's!
Shaz: Your eyebags are so big, they're bigger than your eyes!


But whats the winning line of 'em all?
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Winnie: Hey Janet, your eyebags are so big they're enough to make meat buns! (rou pao)

Wahahahaha! And what does Janet say?

Janet: Hey, you can tell how experienced someone is by their eyebags. The bigger the better! So you see, nothing to be unhappy about!

Shaz: Er.. isn't that supposed to be tits or ass?

And all of us roll over laughing again wahahaha!

Dumbass Mexicano Guards

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He's got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, "What's in the bags?" "Sand," answered Juan. The guard says, "We'll just see about that - get off the bike!" The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. The guard releases Juan, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man's shoulders, and lets him cross the border.

The next day, the same thing happens. The guard asks, "What have you got?" "Sand," says Juan. The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on his bicycle. This sequence of events is repeated every day for a year.

Finally, Juan doesn't show up one day and the guard runs into him in a Cantina in Mexico. "Hey, Buddy," says the guard, "I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about..... I can't sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?"

Juan sips his beer and says....

Bicycles.

My First time!

Today was my first time experiencing it, so i had no idea what i was suppose to do at all. I've heard about it and seen it happen before, but i never thought it would happen to me! I tried to recall what my parents and friends used to advise me before if it happens, but i couldnt remember much as I didn't pay much attention to them.

I tried to picture all those times i saw it happen on the telly, I couldn't remember much. Maybe just the main picture, but not the whole process of what I was supposed to do. I thought so hard i was afraid that my tiny brain might ooze out of my ears. So when my friend came, he said..

"Freaking all girls are all the same. How can you not know how to change a flat tyre?".

Tee hee. Yes. What were you thinking you naughty little thing! I had a flat tyre today and I didnt know how to change my tyre :") Well i know that we're suppose to unscrew those bolts but i didnt know about the "thing" we're suppose to use to push the car up higher and hold up the car to change the tyres! Those damn bolts are too tight for me anyways. It happened while i was driving towards the pay booth to pay for my parking fees.

There was this sudden loud gush, followed by the slanting towards the right side of my car.. After awhile, a couple of people started pointing towards my car and then murmuring amongst themselves. Oh wow, flat tyre. Oh well, thanks desmond for changing my flat tyre!

Penny for your Thoughts

I got this from a friend quite some time ago, and thought it was a pretty smart one.. Sharing is caring.. so here's some for ya :)

Lets face it English is a stupid language. There is no egg in the eggplant No ham in the hamburger And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England French fries were not invented in France. We sometimes take English for granted But if we examine its paradoxes we find that Quicksand takes you down slowly Boxing rings are square And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. If writers write, how come fingers don't fing. If the plural of tooth is teeth Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth? If the teacher taught, Why didn't the preacher praught. If a vegetarian eats vegetables What the heck does a humanitarian eat!? Why do people recite at a play Yet play at a recital? Park on driveways and Drive on parkways. How can the weather be as hot as hell on one day And as cold as hell on another? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy Of a language where a house can burn up as It burns down And in which you fill IN a form By filling it OUT And a bell is only heard once it GOES! English was invented by people, not computers And it reflects the creativity of the human race (Which of course isn't a race at all) That is why When the stars are out they are visible But when the lights are out they are invisible And why it is that when I wind up my watch It starts But when I wind up this poem It ends?

Teehee.. Like it? Go give someone else some caring then!

FHM Girl

I was just grinning to myself the other day when I remembered something one of my high school friends had told me back then when we were still in school. While we were in class one day, one of the girls whom I hung out with a lot broke my concentration and said, "Hey babydoll, I finally found what I've been looking for! I've found the colour I wanted for my hair in a magazine I saw at my baby's place, gonna go get it done tomorrow, you wanna come wit me?"

I mumbled something about needing to go somewhere with my boy so she ended up going alone. The next day while at home doing some research, she messaged me on MSN and said, "babes, I got my hair done already! It is so gorgeous and all, but you know what? I showed my hairstylist the cut-out of the girl with the hair colour I wanted and she looked at me real bitchy, sneering at me. What's her problem man!" I told her not to worry about it and she told me she'd scan and send me the cut-out so that I could see how her hair looked like now.

When I received the picture, I couldn't stop laughing. I mean, imagine giving this picture to someone and saying, "Hey Missy hairstylist, can you make me look this way?".

The Cut-out :P

Weird Accessories

You know how people always say that pets usually seem to evolve to look like their owners unintentionally after some time, well i sure think that this poodle has definately been deliberately accessorized!

Fully Sick

Like my top? If you switch the FU with the SI, it gives you SILLY F*CK! I am soo sick of ASSIGNMENTS and EXAMS! this explains the lack of updates ..sowee guys :(

I Love You

<3 A picture paints a thousand words... although i'd hate to admit that this pic sure is alil ...corrupted :P <3